Brian Ellis Rules!
(As much as I'd like to, I can't take credit for any of these stories. These are all yarns spun by a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless. It was the only way I could convince him to share these gems with the world.)
Scene: bookstore near a major TECHnology oriented college in VIRGINIA
Its maybe 7:00 one Friday night so some buddies and I end up heading down a nearby bookstore before doing whatever it is we were getting into that night.
So we get there, walk around and look at book and magazines - pretty standard bookstore action. Well, I eventually stumble upon a very attractive girl looking at magazines. She looks to be in her early to mid 20's and all alone, so I buy some time until I get the courage to make my move.
We play a little game of cat and mouse for the next few minutes, she looks at books in one aisle and I'm in the next aisle doing the same, not letting her get out of sight. At some point I decide this is ridiculous and I need to go up and talk to her. I mean, its Friday night and she is all alone in a bookstore, she is clearly single.
Not a second after I find my courage does she finish looking at the books she was in to and head toward the door. Noticing she is not making any purchases I go after her, not wanting to let an opportunity slip by. This chase starts in the back corner of the store and leads us past some childrens book, cookware books and even some dvd's.
I am making ground and finally catch up with her after we get past the cash registers and she is about to head outside. I am pretty nervous at this point, I mean I did just stalk this girl for the past 10 minutes and follow her across the store.
Anyway, I say hi to her and she turns and smiles and says hi back to me. I then skip past the small talk and ask her out on a date. She smiles but holds up her hand to show me her wedding ring. She tells me she is married, and says "thats my husband right there."
So I look through the glass and not ten feet outside is a group of about six people standing around talking. I laugh and say goodbye to her and meet up with my friends somewhere in the store. They are now ready to leave and we walk outside.
This group is still standing there and as I walk outside they start heckling me. Either the girl told them what happened or they witnessed it themselves, either way I am a bit uncomfortable to say the least.
My life may or may not have been in jeopardy here, I think they could have been just joking, but I did my best to avoid eye contact and headed straight to my car, which thankfully was not parked close to the store.
Scene: neighborhood streets of a small Virginia town
I had recently moved to a new town for a summer internship. It was my first week there and I didnt really know many people yet.
So one night after work I drive to another part of town so that I could do some jogging. I get out of the car, do some warmup stretches, then head down a random street. Not five minutes into the jog, I pass two girls, one is maybe 13 or 14 and the other is a hot little blond with big breasts. Clearly she's taking her little sister out for a walk.
So i run by them in the opposite direction and after getting maybe a few hundred feet past them I decide I need to meet some people, so I turn back around to try and catch them.
I end up catching up with them on another side street so I approach the blond girl and start talking to her. We are asking each other questions and all seems good, I think, "effin' great this chick is pretty cool." So i ask her which bars she hangs out at, she kind of smiles and says none of them. Ok, cool, a hot chick that doesnt like to get drunk all the time, even better.
A few more questions to her and then she says to me "I think you think I am older then I am." Now I am 21 or 22 years old at the time and figured she is at least 21, but now that she says this I say "oh so are you still in high school?"
Even if she said yes to that it still couldn't be all that bad I suppose, she could be a senior and the three year age difference wouldnt matter too much. But then she drops the bomb: "no, i am actually 15."
*Gulp* not a girl and her little sister, probably a girl with her 9th grade friend.
So i said goodbye and found a new neighborhood to run in. The next time I asked out a girl, she was 29.
Scene: In a mall near a college town
Event: Getting shot down by a rather tall and hot blond girl
So me and two buddies are walking around the mall when we approach this small kiosk toward the center of the mall. It is just kind of hanging out there by itself, near a fountain. What they sell is not important, what is though is the previously mentioned tall and hot blond girl working there, just sitting and reading a book or magazine of some sort. So we stop right there and I decide that I have to ask this girl out...
I tell my friends to stay put and I slowly approach her. Now at this point my mind is blank and I really have no idea what to say to her, figuring it will just come to me when I get to her. Well, something did come to me, as shown in the dialog below:
Me: Hey, I've walked by you a few times and I decided I just had to ask you out.
Girl: I haven't seen you walk by at all
Me: Well, you must have been busy or something
Girl: There have been no customers here in at least an hour
Me: (this part is not clear, I may have just left, or I may have said goodbye and left)
No matter what I said at the end, I was walking away feeling pretty stupid about this encounter. Had i just told her the truth instead of make up something about walking by her several times then maybe things would have been different. But as it turned out, instead of leaving the mall with this hot girl I was leaving the mall with my two non-female friends.
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